A Christian’s battle with depression

I don’t feel good, I rarely feel good, in fact, I haven’t felt good since I was a kid in elementary school. That which is the result of the effect that depression has had on my body. Welcome, to the dark places of a Christian’s battle with depression.

I have been at war in the battleground of my mind for as long as I can remember. I’ve come to terms that this is my cross to bear.

I know that in my weakness, I will not win this war. But by the power of the Prince of Peace and when I am in my Father’s arms, I will one day reign over this battle.

I am not saying that I’ve surrendered to or accepted depression. But I’ve pretended it wasn’t real for so long. Because saying I had depression was some sort of mental weakness that I couldn’t verbally succumb to.

I’ve learned that depression doesn’t make me any less of a human being and it doesn’t make me weak. For, in my weakness, I am made strong. (2 Cor 12:9-11)

What does depression feel like?

I realize the sensitivity surrounding depression because there are different types of depression and everyone’s story may be different. I’m no depression expert and I’m only comfortable sharing my own personal experience.

I’ve been to the doctor many of times through the years to discuss my anxiety. When they would ask me if I was depressed, I would always say no. They would explain to me how depression and anxiety somewhat go hand in hand.

I don’t know why I’ve accepted anxiety but not depression. You can read more about my anxiety battle here.

In my reality, depression has felt like a weight trying to hold me back and just always feeling tired. My depression manifests itself through overthinking, mood swings, impulsive behavior, no energy and muscle tension.

I’ve gone through numbing the depression by substance abuse. I even had a couple years of laying in bed most of the day when my kid was at school. Those were some wasted years. Argh.

Nowadays, I notice that my depression and anxiety looks like staying busy. If I keep myself busy then I can’t focus on the depression; but that doesn’t mean it’s not there.

How did I get depression?

I believe my experiences at a young age, environment and heredity all played a factor into my mental illness. I don’t feel the need to get into the details but I’d like you to keep something in mind.

Everything that we’re exposed to as children, how we are taught to handle life in general, the safety around allowing you to express your thoughts and feelings all play a factor in mental health development.

Can you relate to that?

A Christian’s battle: Living with depression

I recently saw a segment on T.V. by a doctor who said that people with depression have an imbalance of serotonin levels. So when we’re depressed, we crave sugar and carbs because naturally these foods produce an increase in serotonin. Interesting because all these years I’ve joked about sugar cravings when in fact I’m always craving sugar for a much bigger reason.

We don’t all come out and say Hi, I’m depressed. Or put our struggles on our home feed. We appear to have happy, healthy lives but underneath the happy photos and smiling faces you don’t see the inner war.

We literally don’t know what someone else is dealing with unless they offer some transparency into their lives.

In my case, depression doesn’t mean I hate my life. I love my life and my family very much, my depression is not about them. It’s important for me to make that very clear.

My kids and my husband ARE ENOUGH for me and they are my driving force every single day.

I’m not just some hollow shell of a being with a rain cloud hovering over me at all times.

I still experience joy, I have real love in my heart and many things make me truly smile. I also desperately want to share the love of Christ and the hope of my salvation!

I’m talking about depression because there’s always hope. Hope is the Savior of the world, His name is Jesus.

A Christian’s battle with depression

My Redeemer, my refuge & strength, a very present help in times of trouble, my light, my hope is Jesus. God’s promises are my light at the end of the tunnel.

He is anything good that’s within me.

The God of the universe has a plan for my life that doesn’t include sadness, oppression and fear. So because I believe this with every fiber of my being, I fight against depression in spirit and in truth.

Unlike my anxiety, depression has never been circumstantial for me. It’s just sort of always there like an annoying and painful blemish that you mask underneath concealer.

As a mater of fact, God uses me as an encourager to those in my life whom do experience circumstantial depression. If that’s not His strength in my weakness then I don’t know what is!

That’s the beauty of how God works bad for good in our lives. 😇

I wonder if some people think, how can you be a Christian and be depressed?

The answer is that Christian’s are not “perfect” people who only receive God’s blessings and don’t struggle in life. That’s just one big misconception.

I would define us as imperfect people who strive to live and love like Jesus.

What depression has taught me

The biggest thing depression has taught me is how deeply I have a dependency for God.

That even if God doesn’t take this mental illness away from me, He is still God. He still loves me, He is still with me and He has still prepared a place for me.

I’ve learned that God’s grace is sufficient for the day.

The more I live in Him, the less I feel depressed. “He must increase, but I must decrease” John 3:30

God didn’t give me depression. Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world where these things exist.

The mind is a battleground, the very place where the relentless enemy is playing tug of war with our thoughts.

BUT I serve an omnipotent God. The end.

I hope in reading this you found light in the dark places of a Christian’s battle with depression.

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I truly appreciate your time here and hope this blessed you in some way. Please take a moment to comment below and help me share the message below. I love hearing from you!