How to control your tongue and improve your life

Okay so this is a substantial topic for me to write about because the Lord is certainly not finished with me yet. However, I’ve come a long way from not having self control over my tongue. I’d like to share what I’ve learned about how to control your tongue and improve your life.

Scripture says:

“For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” Matthew 12:34

I never realized how ugly of a person I was until this verse pierced my soul one too many times. There’s so much power and wisdom in that one verse!

Our tongue is a small but immensely powerful member of our body. Our tongue has the power to tear other’s down or lift other’s up. It can be really hard to control our tongue especially when we’re hurt or angry.

Think about the affect someone else’s words have had on you and consider how your words have affected others. (Seriously, pause for reflection)

When I was young, kids used to chant “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me”

If only, that were true.

Understanding the power of the tongue

Have you heard the phrase “forgive me for what I said when I was hungry” yeah well, that used to be me. Okay, she still may reveal her ugly self at times. Hunger, tiredness and busyness have always been triggers for me to lose patience and potentially unleash some words that I regret clear after I’ve spewed them.

I’m going to share something really personal. Due to coronavirus, my son is e-learning at home. This has been a big transition for us all and only recently have we come to a more peaceful and positive experience with online schooling.

But a couple of months ago, my son approached us and was feeling defeated because I had told him he was being lazy. He also felt like he couldn’t live up to my expectations.

Can I tell you, this broke my heart and I actually cried as he bravely shared his feelings. I never want my son to be labeled by me of all people as lazy. I certainly never want him to feel like he can’t live up to my expectations.

Through the tears of figuring out online school and ensuring he stays on track.. I’m ashamed to say I allowed the stress to get the best of me.

I’ve yelled at him, called him lazy and set unrealistic expectations on him. This is how my words destroyed my incredible sons spirit. Heart wrenching is it not?

This is just the latest example of how my uncontrolled tongue left me with much regret.

Because we can’t erase the memory of our words.

Bible verses about controlling your tongue

For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. 1 Peter 3:10

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6

The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:4

She opens her mouth and speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. Proverbs 31:26

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips. Psalm 141:3

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly. Proverbs 15:1-2

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Proverbs 16:24

Keep my tongue from evil and my lips from speaking deceit. Psalm 34:13

Set a watch O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips. Psalm 141:3

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. James 1:19-20,26

How to control your tongue and improve your life

Some of us just don’t realize how our words affect others. Some of us have little control over our emotions and once our buttons are pressed we spew. I feel like, for me, just having this truth at the fore front of my mind, allows me to pause before I speak.

As you can see, I still need lots of practice doing so. Honestly, I’ve come such a long way. I used to say the ugliest things and God has set a guard over my mouth. Through the work of the Holy Spirit in my life I can testify that in most occasions, I am slow to speak and slow to anger.

If we choose to live a life worthy to our calling in Christ, then this is one area we need to give attention to. Knowing what scripture says about controlling our tongue, praying to God and living a life led by the Holy Spirit are all ways we can begin reclaiming power over our words.

Speaking life giving words changes your life and the lives around you. Being an encourager not only makes you feel good inside but it can change the way someone else feels about themselves. That’s not something to take lightly in my opinion.

We are to be gentle, patient, loving and kind in our words. Colossians 3:12

We are the salt and light of the earth. Matthew 5:13-16

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