How to Stop Sabotaging Your Marriage

I’ve been married for 21 years, I can hardly believe it. Our marriage was headed for disaster from the get go, but somehow, here we are today, thriving not just surviving. Although our story isn’t a fairytale, I believe it depicts that of reckless love & redemption.

Even after all these years, we’re still growing, one day at a time and even though things aren’t perfect, we strive to conform our ways to God. We didn’t get here on our own merit; we owe it all to God. I’d love to share some of what we’ve learned; you can take it or leave it but remember, God designed marriage, so He gets to define it.

In Scripture, marriage can be identified as unity, intimacy & permanency.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love. Proverbs 5:18-19

‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:5-6

I share these scriptures because when things get tough, unity, intimacy & permanency become jaded. We can quickly forget our vows, “for better or for worse” and giving up feels like the only way out. I’m here to remind you that emotions cannot be trusted and we always have to search God’s Word for what’s true.

It’s my deepest hope that today you find some truth & encouragement.

Ways to sabotage your marriage

1. Unforgiveness. I’ve learned that one of the biggest contributions to a marriage is forgiving well. Forgiveness was actually the catalyst that started a new beginning in my marriage. This post, Forgiveness is well worth the read. I talk about how forgiving changed everything for us & you’ll discover how it can help you too!
2. Not taking accountability of your own actions because you’ve already justified them. We can be so focused on our spouses actions that we neglect to take ownership of our own. “My actions are a result of his/her actions” that mentality just won’t fly. It will create more unnecessary tension; you must learn to communicate effectively.
3. Don’t try to change your spouse to be more like you. When we expect our spouse to agree with us, think the way we do and see situations as we do – you’re stripping them of themselves. Fighting over differences/not seeing eye to eye is doing a disservice to your relationship. Instead, listen well, have respect & find compromise.

4. Focusing on your problems more than solutions. There will always be problems, but remember that you are a team with a common goal of success. You’re not on opposing teams, so don’t act like rivals. Don’t ever forget why you fell in love and the vows you made. You probably both have the same end result in mind, work together to get there.

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5. Ignoring the God-given roles in marriage. Ephesians 5:22-33 Allow these roles to be a testament to God’s design. I’ve seen too many marriages fail because the wife robs her husband’s manhood and role as head of the home.

6. Damaging your spouses reputation. Does your mom or best friend despise your spouse because you call them for every single problem in your marriage? You don’t have to talk to everyone about everything. God is waiting with open arms for you. His Word gives us all we need pertaining to life & Godliness. Between prayer, the Bible and the Holy Spirit, He will guide you in everything. If you want to confide in someone, I suggest going to a person that will give you Godly advice. Be wise with who you share your personal business with.

7. A house divided will fall. Luke 11:17; Mark 3:25; Matthew 12:25 In this area of scripture, Jesus is illustrating the fact that success relies on unity. Don’t let anything divide you. Present a united front; should you disagree, especially on disciplining your kids, do it behind closed doors.

Are your words and actions counterproductive to growth & success? Are you feeding, growing, giving life to thoughts that are destroying your relationship? Pertaining to your relationship, are you convinced of life or death?

Contributing to your marriage looks like being intentional to nurture your relationship. Especially once the kiddos come along. Are you just co-existing? The kids will grow up and leave the house but your spouse will still be there. Don’t wait until then to address your issues. You’d be doing a disservice to your marriage and even your kids.

Before you go, share How to Stop Sabotaging Your Marriage with a friend and check out 5 Tips that Will Improve Your Marriage.