My Best Friend is a Toddler
Atlas, what do you want to do tomorrow? “I want to fly to the moon” he said. My chest began to heave as I held back tears from flowing down my face.
See, just prior to that, as I tucked him into bed, I filled his little spirit with my undivided attention. I told him an imaginary story of himself flying to the moon. So in this moment, when my eyes filled up with tears it was because I realized this was the first time today that I gave him all of me.
My best friend wakes up ready to seize the day. From the moment I open his bedroom door and his feet touch the floor his energy leads the way.
His first words are usually, “mommy, I want to play with you.”
He’s very attentive to me; he’s basically my shadow. There’s so much he likes to do. He does a lot in a day!
But, I can’t always play with him. If I’m being totally honest with you, I don’t always want to sit on the floor and use my imagination. Oftentimes I’m more concerned about what I need to get done rather than what he wants to do.
Because surely everything I need to do holds some higher importance. Surely, if I don’t keep the house functioning to my own standards, things will go downhill. Surely, if I don’t work with my e-learner, he will get behind. Surely, if I don’t read my bible and pray, I will fall apart more than once throughout my demanding day. Surely, if I don’t tend to my blog, I’ll get behind. Surely, if I don’t exercise I won’t feel good and have the energy I need.
So in order to get what I want done, I distract him and tell him, I’m almost done, I’ll be right there. And he waits, with so much love, admiration and grace in his eyes. He waits for me.
By the end of the redundant day, I lay him down at night and close his door behind me. Then a rush of mom guilt fills my spirit. It’s then that I realize before I know it he will be 12 and won’t demand my attention with such excitement.
I’d think that after being a mom for 12 years, I have it figured out by now. But the truth is, I don’t have it figured out. While some days are smooth sailing other days I’m the one apologizing for my behavior. #mommyneedsatimeout
My best friend is a toddler. And I’m not always the best friend he deserves.
The takeaway is not mom guilt, rather the beauty of a child like faith. Tomorrow is not promised and I’m encouraged to live in the moment, more often than not. Need I say, I love this little boy more than life itself? There will always be things to do but what matters most is that they won’t always be little.
You might like the Motherhood archives.
