5 tips that will improve your marriage
My marriage was once on the brink of divorce. But this year we are celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary! It’s nothing short of a miracle that we’re here, but Jesus is in the business of miracles! I’ve learned a lot through the years, so I’ve compiled 5 tips that will improve your marriage.
Marriage is HARD WORK!! I haven’t met anyone who has said their marriage was a walk in the park, have you? I would guess they are out there, somewhere, I’d also guess that the percentage is pretty low.
A successful marriage takes diligence, dedication, love, forgiveness, grace and a lot more! Too often, marriages fail because it’s easier to walk away and wipe your hands clean than it is to dig deep, step up and fight for your relationship.
It’s easier to hold onto justified resentment and pain than it is to forgive. Or to judge your spouse rather than looking inward.
Most of us get married because we can’t imagine our lives without the other person. How do we get that feeling back after years of mistreating one another?
I know what it’s like to have your marriage gone to hell and back. My marriage is proof that redemption & healing is possible. I once thought I no longer loved my husband and here I stand today, more in love with him than ever before.
You can read more about that in my testimony, here.
So I truly have a big heart for marriage redemption. That’s why I’ve come up with 5 tips that will improve your marriage and get you back on the road to success and the first two are most important!
Tip 1: Put God first
Did you know that God created the institution of marriage? I honestly didn’t know.
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Genesis 2:18, 24 NLT
The one and only, perfect God who created the heavens and the earth, put the stars in their place and numbered the hairs on our head, has a design for marriage.
Ephesians 5:21-33 explains that the relationship between a husband and wife should reflect the relationship between Christ and the church. This is God’s Will for marriage.
When two Holy Spirit led people seek God, apply His ways to their marriage, something beautiful happens. It wasn’t until we learned this valuable fact that restoration began.
God never changes, so we can stand firm in expectation on His Word. He left us a blueprint, in the Holy Bible, that gives us everything we need to know about how marriage was designed and it’s a fool proof plan.
Tip 2: Don’t ignore one another’s needs
Remember when your spouse said they needed something specific from you? You can’t just turn a deaf ear to their needs! That is a sure fire way to sow division in your relationship. Honor your spouse by listening to and making an effort to address their needs.
When our needs are not being met, we are left feeling alone, unheard, not cared for and unloved. Or worse, we go out and we get our needs met.
Discuss your needs and meet one another’s needs!
Tip 3: Bridle your tongue
Have you ever said something you regretted afterwards? Or said something to specifically hurt your spouse because you were feeling hurt? Perhaps someone has said something to you that’s really hard to forget. The point is, we can’t take back our words. The bible says that our words have the power tear one another down or lift someone up. Proverbs 15:4
Look at what James 3:1-11 says about our tongue:
Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.
We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.
But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.
People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water?
Our feelings cannot be trusted. Bite your tongue. Take your thoughts captive and align them with God’s Word. Pray, then speak to your spouse, in love.
Be humble, don’t feed your pride
PROUD responses when hurt:
How could you do this to me?! (There is none righteous, not one)
I’m so ANGRY! (The churning of anger produces strife)
HUMBLE responses when hurt:
Lord, what do you want me to do? (Have this attitude in yourselves which also in Christ Jesus, He humbled Himself even to death)
I feel badly for him/her, he/she is really struggling. (Be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving, just as Christ forgives you)
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Tip 4: Know one another’s love language
Once the marriage excitement passes and it will pass, loving one another will take some work. Knowing your spouses love language will give you insight to loving your spouse the way they most feel loved.
Discover your spouses love language through the book, The 5 Love Languages. The 5 love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time & physical touch.
If you’re unfamiliar with the book, let me break it down for you. There is a quiz for each partner to take which will tell you what your love languages are. The book will then break down each love language and even give you ideas to loving your spouse through their love language.
I promise, it’s a game changer.
In addition to knowing and DOING their love language. Don’t forget to smile often, laugh at their jokes, give hugs and kisses, support and encourage. ENJOY YOUR PERSON! That person who chooses you through everything that life brings. <3
Tip 5: Don’t neglect alone time together
Honestly, I know when you have young kids, scheduling date night can fall to the back burner. BUT PLEASE, for heavens sake, do not forsake date night. Get dressed up and DATE your spouse!! It’s such a special way to do the things you did before you had kids and honor your relationship by setting aside time specifically for one another.
Remember, your spouse will be there when the kids leave the nest; so honor this relationship by keeping it alive.
My favorite thing to do on date night besides have a delicious meal is to prepare a few questions in advance to ask one another. This is such a sweet way to reconnect with your spouse on a deeper level. Here are some examples of my favorite questions:
- What’s one thing I do that makes you feel most loved?
- Besides our engagement day, wedding day or birth of our kids, what is your best day ever?
- What is your favorite outfit that I wear?
- What do you wish we did more often?
- How can I be a better spouse?
- What do I do that bothers you?
You can find plenty of date night questions throughout pinterest 🙂
Also, I understand schedules look different for everyone and beginning and ending your day together may or may not be feasible.
For example, my husband works outside the home, I work inside the home. So, he gets up each morning, gets ready for work then heads downstairs for coffee before he leaves. I get up with him when he heads downstairs for coffee and I spend that part of the morning with him.
Trust me, it’s a sacrifice for me to get up and not stay in bed (I am not a morning person) BUT my marriage is more important than sleep. This shows him my love (actions speak louder than words) and gives us time to connect before we start our day.
Winding down together is equally as important to see that time to reconnect.
Before you go
If you like 5 tips that will improve your marriage, you might like What does it mean to have faith?
I hope and pray 5 tips that will improve your marriage has blessed you!
Please take a moment to leave a comment, I love hearing from you! Do you have any marriage tips you can add to the list?
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